Insubordination
by h0use-m0use
Summary: All the times Sam disobeyed Jack's orders and faced the consequences. S/J
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Stargate. This is a fan based story only.

**Warning:** Language.

**Episode Tags: **"The First Commandment," "Singularity," "Divide and Conquer," "The Fifth Man."

**Summary: **All the times Sam disobeys Jack's orders and pays the price. Some chapters are based on official episodes, some are not. Each chapter is independent of each other, but they are best read together.

**A/N:** This is an ongoing collection of one-shots. I classify the story as complete, but I could add a chapter anytime if a new muse strikes.

* * *

**Insubordination**

**Chapter 1**

O'Neill anticipated trouble the moment he heard General Hammond mention Captain Hansen's team during SG-1's mission briefing. He saw Carter's eyes widen nominally at the news that they would be responsible for finding and retrieving SG-9, and then she clamped back down her military exterior. No one but Jack noticed. Captain Carter continued to ask questions about the situation, confident that she had kept herself in check.

When they were dismissed, he watched Carter nod tersely at the General. She didn't make eye contact with anyone in the room, which O'Neill had quickly discovered, was a definite sign she was uncomfortable. He barely stopped himself from calling her back as she left the briefing room, so that he could prevent a fallout. He had served enough years to recognize clearly when an officer was liable to put a mission in jeopardy.

Hammond had informed him that he'd already spoken privately with Captain Carter prior, and that she'd insisted she was prepared for the mission. Perhaps Jack was misplacing the look of dread she carried. She was likely just afraid to find the man she still cared for dead. Yet his gut insisted that her fear stemmed from a much more powerful, deeper source. The way her eyes glossed over, and how she lowered her chin every time someone mentioned her ex-fiancé's name was indicative of a person responding to a trauma.

Jack sauntered into the changing rooms a few minutes later than everyone else. Daniel was instructing Teal'c on the use of sun block, as the planet SG-9 had been assigned received harmful radiation from the sun in that solar system. Carter was across the room, her back to everyone and oblivious to the conversation as she struggled to clip her P-90 to her vest.

The Colonel could hear his mind wailing at him to reassign her for this mission. If he insisted, Hammond would follow his lead and Carter wouldn't have a choice. But it had only been a few months since SG-1 had been declared an official team, and he was still figuring everyone out. So far she had amazed him, surprised him, and occasionally made him tingle. He wanted to give her a chance to prove him wrong, despite the fact that situations of this sort never ended well.

"Ready to go, Carter?" he asked calmly, finishing up his own gear.

Sam started and dropped a full clip. She simply nodded and clumsily stuffed it into one of her pockets.

_Oyh…Just let it go O'Neill. She's a seasoned officer,__ let her handle it. _

_

* * *

_

Jack got his first hint that he should send Carter home when Lieutenant Connor held a gun to Daniel. When the Lieutenant retrieved Franks' dog tags from a pile of ash and burnt clothing, he knew for sure that this would become a hostile situation.

"Connor, I need to know what happened," he commanded softly.

The man looked up at him, shock and disgust and betrayal distorting his features. "Permission to speak freely about a superior officer, Sir."

O'Neill considered, then eyed Carter through his sunglasses without moving his head. This was already far too along for his taste, but he needed to know. "Yeah, go ahead."

"He's lost it, he's outta control."

"Captain Hansen?" asked Carter.

"Maybe it was the sun, the radiation," Connor explained vaguely, unconvinced of his own words.

"What…are you saying that the Sun did this to Franks?" Daniel blurted.

"No, Sir. Captain Hansen did that to Franks."

Jack's stomach dropped and before he could pull the plug on this mission where Carter's involvement was concerned, he heard her fearful "what?"

"For trying to get through the 'Gate," the Lieutenant finished.

O'Neill said the first thing he thought would bring his team back into a secure state of mind. "I don't buy that." He forced the lie out like dough through a small sieve. He had seen Hansen for himself, and without a doubt the man was capable of what Connor claimed.

"Sir," Connor persisted. "We tried to warn Command about what's really goin' on. The people here, they believe he's their God."

"Because you came through the Stargate," Teal'c pointed out.

"No, no, you don't get it. Hansen believes it too."

That was the coup, and Jack suddenly felt very irresponsible for putting his team in jeopardy by letting Carter tag along. Whatever had pushed Hansen over his fine line of sanity had obviously clouded his judgment, and subsequently, emotionally crippled his best officer.

He looked up at her, and she at him, right before he called her over. She looked like a child who knew she was about to be punished for something that was out of her control. A royal beating of the most brutal kind. O'Neill couldn't agree more, but he had to do this, as much as it pained him to see her beautiful blue eyes set in rebellion and hurt against him.

"Carter."

Right before Jack turned to gain a little more distance from the group, he saw Carter's resolve melt a little. Anger and disappointment. However, this conversation was way overdue and Sam wondered why the Colonel had waited until they were on the planet to do this.

He slipped off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes, cursing himself for his lacking preparation. Sam obediently made her way to her Commanding Officer, head down. She was so submissive, so small that it made Jack hate his position even more, the beginning of his next words already bitter in his throat. She looked up at him with controlled determination, daring him to continue. Admit she was weak.

Now it was his turn to struggle with eye contact. "I want you to take Connor back to the Stargate, report to General Hammond what's happened here." Jack swallowed. _You could endanger the mission, Carter. I cant risk that. _

He resigned to talk with her about it later when she uttered, "No, Sir." He looked sharply at her, satisfied to see that she didn't have the nerve to look him in the eye as she said it. Just another proof that she knew herself she didn't belong here.

Jack would normally have a severe reprimand in the wings for any officer who pulled that on him. But Carter was special, Jack refused to explain why to himself. "No, Sir?" he parroted as gently as possible.

"If you're going after Captain Hansen I should go with you. I can get to him." There were those accusing eyes again.

Jack raised his voice a little, just enough to still keep the others out of their dispute. "Look. _Captain_." The use of her rank had the desired effect and she lowered her gaze, setting her lips in a line so she wouldn't say something regrettable. "Either we're bringing him back to face a Court Marshall or not. And I think we both know what the _not_ means."

Colonel O'Neill expected his Captain to further withdraw at the prospect of killing Hansen, but it hardly fazed her. He knew now that his earlier assumptions had been correct. Jack's only reprieve was that they hadn't run into the man before he could confirm it.

Carter persisted, soft enough to not be blatantly out of line. Smart woman, O'Neill thought.

"I know him, Colonel."

"Yeah, that would be the problem, wouldn't it?" That was a low blow, and completely unfair to her, but Jack needed to take her down a notch. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect. But damn, it usually worked.

"I gave back the ring _because_ I know him. I know how he thinks, how he operates."

"How he likes to play God?" _Easy, O'Neill, don't get swept up her in emotions._

"I don't understand how that could happen anymore than you do," Sam acquiesced diplomatically, and Jack quietly thanked her for it. "But if SG-1 is going after him then I am going with you."

Jack's anger brimmed, and his impatience reared its ugly head. His Captain hadn't yet seen his bad side, but it would be quite a shock to Carter if the first time was directed at her. The worst part was that he could tell she feared Hansen and was compelled by her duty as the man's familiar to put herself on the line to secure her team a better position against him. But her feelings were already making her question his orders and that was something the Colonel just wouldn't tolerate.

"Wait a minute!" Connor intervened. "No…y-you can't do that. There are hundreds, probably thousands of them. He's their God. They'll die for him, kill for him in a heartbeat."

Jack turned to the Lieutenant. "That's not your problem. Now I need someone to report back to the General and that is _you_."

"No, Sir."

_Unbelievable_. "No, Sir! Does it say Colonel _anywhere_ on my uniform?"

Connor was unbothered. "I know the planet, the situation. I think it's suicide. But if you're goin', I'm goin', Sir."

"But you are not physically able," said Teal'c.

"Franks was my friend."

"This isn't about revenge," Carter responded timidly, though she clearly didn't believe that.

"Maybe not for you." Connor moved away and assumed the lead. "We gotta move now, in daylight.

Just peachy. Jack clearly had limited control over how this mission was going. Oh, he could pull rank and drag their asses back to the SGC, but their innevitable refusal would earn them both a black spot on their records. Still, that was preferable to dying horribly. He hated to admit it, but if Hansen was as far gone as Connor said, they would need every asset available, and Captain Carter was their biggest one.

Jack sighed. "We're off to see the Wizard…"

* * *

Jack threw his jacket back over his shoulders, appreciating the warmth against the chill of the infirmary. The nurse attending him smiled and cleared him, mentioning that they'd have the results of his blood work in a few hours. They wouldn't find anything.

Jack had hung back and let Daniel and Teal'c go first, and Connor, who had been first to the infirmary, lay sedated in a bed. He had pulled Janet aside and discretely given her a quick brief about what happened, and the doctor then focused all her attention on Sam, performing her post-mission evaluation personally.

As Jack's hands lingered on every detail of his uniform, fixing and perfecting the flaws that weren't there, he watched Carter. He could hear Janet speaking but he wasn't able to make out the words. Carter's usual face was set firmly in position, but her eyes spoke volumes, drawing comfort from whatever her friend was saying. He watched her curiously when she flinched as Janet tried to extract a blood sample. Then the doctor tilted Sam's head to the side, exposing her bruising lip and cheek. Janet pursed her lips at her patient's difficulty. All that wriggling, avoiding and exasperated sighing Carter did. O'Neill thought it was clear to anyone with eyes that his Captain was stressed.

Unfortunately things would have to get worse before they got better. Jack glared through slatted eyes at Hansen's work. Pissed didn't even describe it. He had given Carter a reprieve back on the planet, even comforted her. But now that they were safely back home, he had to make his position clear.

Carter felt the smoldering gaze of her CO burn her cheeks. Made her sweat. The man's lack of privacy was infuriating, but she dampened her emotions, for he had a very good reason. She looked everywhere but him, until her anxiety provided her the courage and she reluctantly dragged her eyes up to meet his. The fire, the darkness there was staggering and Sam quickly lost her nerve.

_He's done with his physical, why can't he just go_. She closed her eyes and swallowed, and prayed for him to spare her a little mercy.

"Ok, Sam, we're done here." Janet pulled off her gloves with a snap. "The trauma to your jaw might induce a headache, in which case I want you to stop by."

Sam nodded and stole another fleeting glance at Colonel O'Neill, then quickly gathered her belongings and almost jogged out without acknowledging him.

"She fine, Doc?" Jack asked Janet.

"Physically, yes. But whatever happened out there, go easy on her, she's had a rough time."

Jack sighed. He wouldn't waver.

Sam made it to the long corridor right before the showers, growing more hopeful with every step that she would make it there before the Colonel caught up with her. If she delayed this, maybe he wouldn't come down on her so hard, maybe his anger would simmer out and all she'd get was a slap on the wrist.

"Carter!"

She stopped dead and dropped her head like she'd just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Her fingers curled at her side as she fought the urge to keep moving forward, away from the threat. O'Neill said nothing after that, and Sam was compelled to eventually turn to him. He had all the power.

O'Neill stood at the other end of the hall, his hands deceptively relaxed at his sides, his head tilted back somewhat.

"S-Sir?"

"My office, Carter."

Sam opened her mouth to say something, she wasn't sure exactly what, but O'Neill walked swiftly towards her and she clamped her lips together.

"If that's another _'No, Sir'_ so help me God…"

Sam imploded under him. For a moment she couldn't breathe and she almost didn't prevent her arms from raising in front of her. Thank God this part of the base was usually deserted.

Jack forced himself to loom over her when she shrunk away, considering that there might be an underlying problem with his Captain that he was aggravating. He'd never seen her get shit from a Superior Officer before, so for all he knew this was how she normally acted. Thank God no one was around to witness this.

"Yes, Sir," Sam finally acquiesced.

_About time. _Jack followed his Second in Command back towards the control room. _You gotta handle this right, O'Neill, something's off with her._ Regrettably, he feared his anger would get the better of him.

It seemed an eternity to Sam as they plummeted to the bowels of the base, closer to her Hell. And damnit, he wouldn't stop staring, and as scared as she was, she couldn't look at him to gauge his expression. When the elevator doors parted he waited soundlessly for her to exit first, and so it was when they arrived at his office.

Sam stepped through the proverbial gates and she felt hot enough to combust. She stood to attention, her freezing hands in fists by her side, her eyes forward and unseeing.

Jack closed to door softly and stepped behind his desk, every footfall a hammer in Sam's heart. The room was clean, rarely used but for occasions such as these and that intensified her dread, just as O'Neill wanted. He didn't sit, and every Airforce officer knew that those were the sorts of reprimands that a subordinate would never forget.

She couldn't see his eyes, didn't dare look to confirm what she thought was the most angry expression she'd ever seen the Colonel wear. He was going for the silent reproof, Sam knew. Ranking military officers rarely used it, but it was way more effective than yelling one's lungs out in her opinion. Forcing the officer to stop breathing if they want to hear what is being said, right before the world explodes.

"When I give you an order, I expect you to follow it," the Colonel whispered harshly.

"Yes, Sir," agreed Sam automatically, hating that her voice trembled already.

He was frightening her. Doesn't matter. She should be scared. "Oh, so it's _'Yes, Sir'_ now? Doth my ears defy me back on that planet?"

Sam shook her head, hesitant to say the appropriate acknowledgement. Jack was just waiting for her to stumble, for any crack to appear in her defenses so he could wedge in his fingers and tear her open.

"You let your emotions compromise you, and that is something I will not tolerate!" His voice was a furious strangled scream, the dam ready to burst and destroy all in its path.

"…Yes, Sir." She shouldn't contradict him now. "But Sir, I—"

"I didn't say you could explain yourself, Captain!"

There was the bang. She was his spark.

"Nor did I give you permission to let yourself get captured! Well?" Jack didn't think he could feel angrier, but reminding himself of that juicy detail did the trick. He reach desperately for his control, but it was soaring miles above his head in a place much too calm for him to reach.

"N-no, Sir!"

"Yet you disobeyed my direct orders and did whatever the hell you pleased!' Time for the coup de grace. "I have to ask myself what would happen next time, if there should even be one!"

On queue, Carter's eyes met his, round and frightened. "Please, Colonel…"

He raised a hand and she stopped herself. God, he hated doing this to her. But he was beyond stopping himself. He could just sit down and discuss it with her patiently, like he'd originally planned. But he needed to regain the control he'd lost on the planet. For himself. For his team. All about discipline. Carter needed to be disciplined. Bottom line.

"You're not above everyone else, Carter!"

"I never…"

"Can you not follow orders, Captain?"

Without a doubt this was the worst she'd ever gotten, and coming from her most respected CO, it hurt that much worse. She struggled to keep her breathing quiet, on the precipice of failing.

"Your recent actions have sorely dimmed my faith in you, Carter! Maybe I should have you reassigned."

Sam's hand shot out pleadingly. "Wait, no…" She winced even as she stopped herself, fatally aware that she was failing over and over to comply with her Commanding Officer's orders. She swore she wouldn't do it again, she'd be quiet and nod and say "Yes, Sir" as many times as she needed. But Colonel O'Neill was already rounding his desk, slowly prowling in her direction.

Now she'd done it.

O'Neill took each step like he had every intention to throttle her. He had no idea just how intimidating he was, that more of Sam's life left her the closer he got. She had to say something. Really, and what would that be? You're invading my personal space, Colonel. You're too close, Colonel. You're scaring me shitless, Colonel. That black glint in his eyes was so familiar, and out of character. It took everything she had to stay still when he towered formidably over her.

Jack's voice was a suffocating inflection, tongue laced with acid. "I hope you're listening, Captain, because I'm only going to say this once—"

He rose a finger and Sam flinched. Hard. She recoiled her head to the side, squinting her eyes as if she expected a blow. When nothing came she blinked rapidly, still anticipating, until she realized with a mixture of dismay and relief that it was just her CO in front of her, not Hansen. Sam slumped, looking like she'd just divulged a precious secret. Grateful she was still standing.

Jack gaped, mouthing like a fish struggling for air. What the hell was this? Carter strained to stay where she was, her body rocking ominously on her heels. His hand relaxed and opened, ensuring her that he was retreating, that he wasn't a threat, and he took a step back.

Did she really think he'd hit her? Had he gone far enough to make her actually think it was possible? God, she was shaking. She looked terrified. Of him.

"Carter…"

She vigorously shook her head, her blond waves flopping helplessly across her cheeks. And Jack noticed, as if for the first time, the blue skin on his Captain's face. Her strained face made it that much more poignant, made him feel much more foolish. His rage, fear of losing control, duty, dissolved in one anti-climactic second. Replaced by a chest-bursting fire, eating him alive.

"At ease, Carter," he whispered.

That beautiful woman turned her wet eyes on him and speared him with their pain._ You're an ass, O'Neill_. He couldn't blame her skepticism when she remained at attention, after the way he'd treated her. He extended his hands, intent on comforting her. A calming hand on her shoulders and force her to relax under him. But he couldn't touch her anywhere, instead fumbling towards several areas and always retreating.

"Please, just…uhm, have a seat." Jack pulled around his desk chair and she looked at him like that was the worst thing imaginable. Doh.

"Sir…?"

Jack nodded when she gauged his reaction, wary of another reprimand for speaking out of turn. "It's ok."

Silence.

"Well, I feel like an ass." Sam nodded awkwardly and wrapped a hand around her arm. "I didn't mean what I said, Carter." She eyed him expectantly. Which part exactly? "I respect you above and beyond…and I would never kick you off the team. I was out of line."

If Jack were a lesser man his heart might have broken seeing the hurt, and the utter relief swell of tears in Sam's eyes. They spilled at last.

"Then why…" she couldn't finish. God, don't cry in front of him.

"I lost control of the situation. I allowed you to accompany SG-1 on a mission when you were clearly compromised." Sam had nothing to argue. He was right. "And when I saw you down there getting taken…that you'd done it without my permission…"

Jack sat against his desk, rubbed his forehead and Sam relaxed with him.

"I'm sorry, Carter."

'So am I, Sir. I put everyone's lives in jeopardy."

Jack nodded. "Maybe. Fact is you probably _saved_ our lives."

"But not before putting them in danger in the first place."

"We freed those people from slavery. I'd say that counts for something." Jack cast her a warm smile, revitalizing her shocked system. She look down, her lips pulling humbly at the corners.

'Tell me what happened with Hansen."

Sam looked up sharply, her bipolar change in emotion palpable. "Is that an order. Sir?" Jack raised his hands soothingly. Easy, Sam. She slowly blew out a tense breath and nibbled her lip. "You saw what happened."

"He hit you, and I distinctly remember wanting to kick his ass when it happened."

This time Sam returned his affection with a full smile, wet and stuffy though it was. Jack strolled back to her, nothing but warmth on his face. One hand extended to the wounded side of her face, almost touching but not quite there. "You know what I mean, Sam."

Carter nodded, blinking rapidly. "That wasn't the first time." Shit. When she had strived to make an impression on her new CO, this wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind. Nobody knew any details of her latest failed relationship. The last person to which she'd ever planned to divulge it was Colonel O'Neill. Here they were. And it felt right.

Jack huffed and clucked his tongue. His instincts never lied, and he felt so guilty for putting Carter through all that, honorable though his intentions were. "Guess I was right."

"Am I that predictable?"

"In the best of ways, Carter." He hesitated. "You know I hold you in the highest regard. The only reason I wanted you out of that situation…"

"I know, Sir. Thank you."

"Now, about that…" Jack cleared his throat and Sam looked sharp, catching on at once that her Superior Officer was still going to finish this. "You questioned my orders, acted without my authorization." Jack's voice was level, controlled, strong.

"Yes, Sir."

"But I put you in that situation. Still, I need to know my team will follow my orders, especially my Second in Command. We need to be on the same page, Carter, even if you don't agree with my orders."

"Yes, Sir."

"I will not tolerate insubordination, Captain. Is that understood?"

Sam nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Good. Now c'mere." Jack invited her into his arms, wrapped her in his powerful frame and she clung to him like a lifeline.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, Sam. That's an order."

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Stargate. This is a fan based story only.

**Warning:** Language.

**Episode Tags: **"The First Commandment," "Singularity," "Divide and Conquer," "The Fifth Man."

**Summary: **All the times Sam disobeys Jack's orders and pays the price. Some chapters are based on official episodes, some are not. Each chapter is independent of each other, but they are best read together.

**A/N:** This is an ongoing collection of one-shots. I classify the story as complete, but I could add a chapter anytime if a new muse strikes.

* * *

**Insubordination**

**Chapter2**

SG-1 filed through Storage Facility no68. It was dreary, with a low ceiling, and lit by half alive wall sconces on one side. Their standard issue foot falls reverberated through the concrete, almost in unison. A funeral dirge.

Samantha Carter hugged an unconscious Cassandra to her chest. Everyone but the Airman with the keys to the elevator and Colonel O'Neill were behind her, letting her take charge, standing by her decision. His decision…

It was the right call. What else could they do with the girl? One life compared to hundreds others seemed an obvious choice. Sam was kidding herself if she thought she would have decided otherwise. She took little comfort in the fact that the rules would be responsible for Cassie's death. Yet ultimately, Sam would be the one to abandon her to her fate. She wasn't responsible, she told herself. She wasn't.

As they reached the end, Jack turned to face her. "I can take her from here now, Captain." It was a strong offer, imploring her to accept. But of course, the bond Carter had formed with Cassandra was too powerful. And ironically Jack knew she wanted to be the one to take the girl to her death.

"No, Sir, it's OK."

Carter knew what she had to do. Jack trusted that. The big white letters of the 01 on the elevator doors parted. Decision made, and the Colonel resolved to allow her the only control he could offer under the circumstances. To grieve privately. She deserved that at least.

"This elevator goes down thirty floors through solid rock. It takes about three minutes to get to the bottom. That gives you four minutes to start back up."

Sam nodded and circumvented him to get to the elevator. His eyes bore into hers, his lips parted but nothing came out. _Don't mess around, Captain. Bring Cassandra down, and come back up._

Jack still had time to stop her. Sam loved that girl, how would she be able to do it? He would have never been able to do this to Charlie. _You should stop her._ He nodded to the airman, who turned the key and Sam was gone.

The numbers on the panel counted up in equal intervals. Each level was its own eternity. Daniel and Teal'c eyed each other, then Jack. They all thought the same. The Colonel paced, frenziedly checking the time, readjusting his cap aimlessly. Not everyday you leave a child to die alone in an abandoned missile silo, and Jack began wondering if he'd been correct in letting Carter go down alone.

Finally, the last beep intoned on level 28. They waited. And waited. The time was worrying and Carter wasn't yet making her way back up. _Come on, Sam. _Her extra minute was almost through when the numbers began decreasing.

_Oh thank God._

It took him a few seconds, but Jack was settling at last when Daniel said, "Jack, she's going back down."

No. No, no, no, no. "The hell she is." Jack crossed to the communication terminal and pressed the white button. "Captain Carter." Nothing. "Captain Carter," he said more forcefully. "Sam, do you read me?"

What if the explosion already happened? Wouldn't they have felt it? Carter can't be dead, she's just not answering. _Come on, talk to me._

"_Colonel, I'm staying,__" _came Sam incredible voice.

Jack's knees wobbled. She had never sounded more beautiful, never more had it frightened him. She was alive, blessedly breathing and congested with tears. He had to keep it that way. Jack forced his voice out in a calm, commanding stream.

"Negative."

"_Colonel, she's awake!"_

"Oh, God!" Daniel exclaimed.

Jack considered the ramifications of this new complication, but the results would have to be the same. In the end, Cassandra would still die and now Carter with her. "Captain, Carter? I am _ordering_ you to get back up here right now. _Right now_!"

No response. Jack checked the time. Even if she started back up now…He was going to lose her. Dead for nothing.

He turned to Daniel and Teal'c "Alright, why don't you guys clear out." Neither moved. Jack exhaled. "…Right." Until the very end.

Teal'c crossed his right hand over his heart and whispered, "Dal mek'toh creon te shree tal'ma. Kalash Kel'mah¹" Daniel bowed his head, honoring the ritual.

Twenty seconds. "Alright. Here we go."

The guys didn't breathe in case they would missed any vibration that guaranteed Sam's death. The silence was thick enough to cut. Nine…eight…seven…six….five…four…

…three…two…one…

_Carter…_

Jack's watch beeped. His entire body burned with cold fire.

After a few seconds of nothing, Daniel ventured. "I don't feel anything."

"We could have been wrong about the time." _That's it, Jack, always negative._

"We could have been wrong about what would happen," provided Daniel, and Jack wanted to kiss him.

He turned incredulously back to the comm., and without sounding too desperate or hopeful called, "Captain Carter? Can you hear me?" He closed his eyes and prayed. But of course, after ignoring his orders and almost abandoning Cassandra, it was little wonder if she didn't want to speak to her obviously pissed off CO. Let's try that again. "Sam," he called in a low voice. "Can you hear me?"

Suddenly, Carter's voice sounded over the speaker. "_We're okay!"_ Jack flopped, his fear washed away and he leaned his head against the machine_. "It didn't happen,"_ she continued. _"Cassandra's fine, I'm fine, it didn't happen. I just…I couldn't leaver her, Sir."_ Jack recognized she was begging him to understand her disobedience.

"How did you know, Captain?"

"_It occurred to me that she first slipped into the coma when we brought her close to the Stargate. As soon as we got her far enough away from the Stargate, she woke up, and I…knew."_ Sam bit her lip

"You knew?" Jack sighed. That wasn't a good enough excuse for the military, or for him to keep it off the record. He ignored the relieved play between Daniel and Teal'c "Alright. Get back up here, Captain."

Now that the crisis was over, Jack had to reclaim his duty as Commanding Officer. No more first name basis. No more leeway. His anger was obvious to Sam, who wasn't yet there to witness it, so Daniel and Teal'c could feel it radiating from his body.

"Jack, don't be so hard on her," Daniel calmly suggested. The proverbial shit had yet to hit the fan, and as much as he agreed with Sam's decision, he would not want to be in her shoes right now.

"Daniel!" Jack warned. The archeologist bowed his head and twiddled his fingers.

The three minutes it took Sam to ascend sent Jack into frustrated tremors. His fury rose with every level. The doors opened. Sam stood straight with her head in high defiance, Cassandra clinging to her side. O'Neill's black eyes struck her, but she would not look away. Her heart was thrumming in her ears in equal amounts of terror and happiness.

"Teal'c, Daniel, Take Cassandra back to the SGC. Have Fraiser check her out. We'll meet you back there."

Teal'c stepped up and offered his hand to the girl. Sam squeezed her shoulder for reassurance and Cassandra let the Jaffa lead her out. He spared a nod to Sam that expressed his gratefulness that she was still with them. Daniel sent her sympathetic eyes, but she didn't acknowledge either of them. She daren't move unless Colonel O'Neill told her to.

Only when everyone had cleared the corridor did Jack step in beside his Captain. He leaned across her to reach the number panel, deliberately lingering, and chose level 28. Thirty floors to pick from but he was taking her back to the place she had defied him. Where she might have died. Sam couldn't see him through the dark, but she felt him just behind her shoulder. So close yet inaccessible.

The pull of the elevator stopping threatened to drag her down. She'd remained calm until the very end, when the reality of her situation overwhelmed her ability to think, or apparently move.

"Captain Carter," the Colonel barked. He stood in the door, waiting for her to follow. Sam hadn't noticed. She forced her locked knees to comply and he led her back through the blast door. Jack closed and locked it, the sound of metal echoing through his own steel heart. If he could yell loud enough to reach ground level, he certainly wouldn't be heard now.

"I wanna know why you thought it was a good idea to completely disregard my orders! That's the second time in six months!" Jack already knew her motive, but he prayed she had a better explanation, some ammo to give him so he could prevent a Court Martial.

"I arrived at a logical, scientific conclusion, Sir."

"And you couldn't possibly fill me in? Have Fraiser confirm it?"

"There wasn't any time—"

Jack couldn't deny that his anger fuelled his words, but he couldn't go easy on her either. "I thought you were sure it wouldn't happen. You had plenty of time to prove it."

Shit. Where was all her vaunted intelligence, her confidence and strength? It all crumbled under this man. "I…I promised her I wouldn't ever leave her, Sir. And when I closed that door, her face…damn…" Sam angrily wiped her tears away and Jack's temper fell with them. "I'm sorry, Colonel."

Jack squared himself and formally asked, "Captain. Your decision was based on the scientific knowledge and observations you gained in the field, not due to your personal relationship with Cassandra?"

For a moment Sam hesitated before she understood that this was the part going into his report. "Yes, Sir," she breathed.

O'Neill nodded and sighed. He sat on one of the crumbling missile shelves, and when he gestured, Sam settled on its twin. He'd saved his prized Captain from official trouble, but that in no way spared her in his book. "I thought we'd talked about this, Carter." Sam choked on the disappointment in his voice. "Was I unclear in any way?"

"No, Sir!" Sam rectified.

"Then?"

She wrung her hands in her lap. "I…don't know, Sir."

"We have to resolve this before we go back up. And by that I mean between you and I. Off the record."

Those three words. Sam could hardly believe her fortune; after her initial euphoria dissolved she had fully expected to be hauled unceremoniously out of the Air Force. She took a deep breath, confident that her CO would honor his claim. "I guess what I'm uhm…my feelings for Cassandra made it much easier for me to go back down. I realized only then the mistake we'd made. I was on my way up, Sir."

"I know, Captain. As a human being I'm not questioning your decision. But we risk our lives every day doing stuff that is way out of our league, and I need to know that when the time comes, I can count on you. You need to trust my command decisions."

"I do, Sir." Then Sam looked up at him in that helpless way, bearing her heart to him like a dissected frog with its arms flung out to the sides. And she spoke so brokenly, because she already knew the answer. "Do you trust me, Sir?"

Jack sighed again, removed his cap and ran his hand through his hair. Sam's mouth turned dry. Her gut clenched beyond toleration. He opened his mouth but he couldn't face the despair in her eyes, nor could he redirect his gaze. She held him there without force, and he was too disarmed to realize. Sam looked like she'd been given the death penalty, and Jack couldn't help but find her desire for his approval endearing.

"I'm sorry…" she pleaded.

"I know you are. But that doesn't change what happened." Sam scrunched her face against new tears. Jack was compelled to rectify the desolation that she exuded. If he left her like this, he would have to face this moment every time she looked at him. He joined her side and took her damp hand gently in his. "Sam. I won't lie, I'm pissed." She shrunk a little. "Easy, it's okay. I just thought I'd lost you, I'm just as angry with myself for letting you do it alone."

"It wasn't your fault, Colonel."

"No. It was the Goa'uld's."

Sam smiled and squeezed his hand. "Are we okay, Sir?"

"Always. But I'm still your CO, and you're my subordinate. I can't let your disobedience fly."

"I understand, Sir. I hope in time I can regain your trust."

"Oh, I have no doubt you'll make quick work of that, Carter. No doubt."

* * *

¹Our love for you does not end in death. May your soul find sanctuary

Review, review, review! Thank you to those who have already done so. Makes me feel like this is worth more than just my own self gratification :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Stargate. This is a fan based story only.

**Warning:** Language, mild romance.

**Episode Tags: **"The First Commandment," "Singularity," "Divide and Conquer," "The Fifth Man."

**Summary: **All the times Sam disobeys Jack's orders and pays the price. Some chapters are based on official episodes, some are not. Each chapter is independent of each other, but they are best read together.

**A/N:** This chapter isn't directly related to any episode. There are slight "Divide and "Conquer" references but otherwise the plot is original. This is the last one I have actually written, and I have a fourth chapter in mind, but **if anyone wants to suggest other situations to put Sam through I'll listen.**

* * *

**Insubordination**

**Chapter 3**

"Fallback!"

Several staff weapon blasts whizzed by their heads. Jack rose from behind a fallen tree and released an entire clip into the hoard of Jaffa.

"O'Neill!" Jack ducked and turned to Teal'c and spotted them encroaching from behind. They were being surrounded. A boulder next to him exploded, nicking his face with sharp debris. "We can reach the Stargate but we must go now!" Teal'c urged.

"Sir!" It was Carter. She was right beside Jack, covering the left side of the team. "We can't just leave!"

"I don't see we have much choice!" As if to make his point, the tree above them blew apart and rained down smoldering bark.

"Jack she's right!" cried Daniel. He stared longingly at the little beaten structure just a few meters away. "That device—"

"Won't do us any good if we're dead!"

For once, Daniel had the good sense to let it go. Carter, on the other hand, was abnormally challenging.

"But Sir, I don't think you understand its importance. The implications—"

Jack shot another Jaffa then rounded on her. "What was that Major?"

She ignored the reprimand and ploughed forward with her argument, resolved not to let something like a large enemy contingent deter them from getting their hands on what could possibly be the most significant technology they would ever freely acquire. "Sir, this is too important to abandon!"

Jack vaguely heard Teal'c shout, "We cannot hold them off much longer!"

"Get back to the 'Gate!" Jack bellowed.

"But, Sir!"

Jack couldn't believe his 2IC chose _this_ moment to disagree with him. She was risking all their lives for some stupid gadget. He grabbed her vest and pulled her until their faces were an inch apart. "Don't question me! Get back to the 'Gate, that's an order!"

He ripped a grenade from his pocket and pulled the pin. "Fire in the hole!" At the moment of the explosion Jack bolted with Daniel in high pursuit while Teal'c provided cover fire.

Sam gaped incredulously at Colonel O'Neill; angry at his easy dismissal, furious that he had no idea what they were leaving behind. All sense abandoned her and she ran for the ruined altar instead, while the Jaffa were still occupied. She crouched behind the Ancient console and ripped open the control panel, revealing the spotless data storage device. Her fingers worked faster than ever to rearrange the crystals in order to disconnect it safely, without damaging its contents. At the very least she couldn't let it go to the Goa'uld.

Jack glanced over his shoulder, instinctively checking that Carter was still with them and every fiber of his being went cold. She was at the bottom of the hill in the ruined temple, and a few meters away one Jaffa had noticed, and raised his staff weapon.

"Oh crap…Teal'c!" Jack yelled. Teal'c turned in time to see O'Neill running for Carter. He spotted her assassin and propped his staff over his shoulder like a sniper shooting over a long distance. He released one perfect blast that hit its target, but as the Jaffa fell, his own weapon fired.

"Carter!"

Sam snapped her head around and saw the Colonel coming for her. Then something slammed into her so hard she fell. Pain and burnt flesh assaulted her senses and she cried out, clutching her left arm.

Jack dropped to his Major's side and surveyed the damage. "Damnit, Carter!" He unclipped his pack and fished out his medical supplies. When he pressed a compress to her wound Sam yelped and pushed at his hand in objection. "Don't move!" he growled.

Sam couldn't help it; O'Neill wrapped the dressing around her arm and pulled the knot tight. He was way rougher than required. Her hand shot out and palmed Jack in the chest.

"Ah! Colonel!"

Jack pulled her off the ground a few inches by the front of her jacket, leaving no distance between them. "For cryin' out loud, Major! Follow my orders for once! Do not resist, is that understood?"

Sam didn't know what was more painful; her wound her the Colonel's attitude. She bit her lip and her nostrils flared with the effort to contain her emotions. She spoke softly, afraid that anything more would give her away. "Yes, Sir…"

"Say again, Major, 'cause I can't fucking hear you!"

"Colonel…" Sam's eyes brimmed with tears. She flicked her gaze from one brown eye to the other, searching in desperation for his compassion. She couldn't bare to be this close to him when he was angry. When Jack felt her trembling he regressed. She looked up at him in utter submission and he then felt utterly stupid for manhandling an injured female officer.

"Damnit…" whispered Jack, and gently lowered his Major back down. "Carter I'm…"

"O'Neill." Teal'c appeared behind them. There was only distant weapons fire now, accompanied by retreating shouts. "They will not be gone for long. We must leave now."

"Yeah, give me a minute, T." Jack looked at Sam apologetically as he finished tying the tourniquet with added care.

Somehow, Sam found her voice again, probably because what made her act so foolishly in the first place was still just as important. "Sir, I wasn't finished disconnecting the device."

"You are now," Jack replied dangerously.

Yes she was. She'd had her chance. Only one thing left to do. "Wait…"

Jack was about to lose it again when Sam's grimy fingers lifted a pack of C-4 across his vision. "We can't let the Goa'uld obtain this technology," she pleaded. "It's much too dangerous…"

He nodded and slapped the explosive inside the console and sunk in a blasting cap. Then he hoisted his Major to her feet. She winced. "You ok?" Jack asked in a timid voice, offsetting his prior harshness. Sam nodded for the sake of it, because whether or not she was fine didn't change the fact that she needed to run to the Stargate.

"Teal'c, you cover our six," ordered Jack. "Daniel take the lead, make sure no Jaffa are waiting in ambush." He turned to Sam. _Major, you're with me._

Sam nodded, quite aware of his silent order. "Am I right in assuming you'll do as you're told this time?" Jack asked needlessly. Daniel took a few steps away and cleared his throat, and Teal'c pretended to be so focused on his task that he hadn't heard.

She looked at her boots and murmured, "Yes, Sir." The eyes Jack gave her right before he slipped his Bugaboo's over his face spelled trouble. She would be in a world of shit when they got home.

"Let's move."

Nevertheless, Jack helped her navigate the terrain. Her wound made her feel heavier on that side, and she was grateful for the counterbalance his steady hand provided. A couple times she slowed down, faint from the endless pinching and burning in her arm, and Jack urged her forward with a reassuring squeeze and an "almost there, Carter."

Once they were over the forested hill, he pulled the detonator from his pocket and pressed. A muffled bang ensured that their target had been eliminated. They encountered no opposition. A horn sounded in the distance in response to the ruckus, and Jack was sure their previous position was already swarming with Jaffa.

Adrenaline having completely left her exhausted, Sam whimpered in relief when the Stargate appeared on the horizon. She fought her burning lungs and churning stomach, placing one lead foot in front of the other. She had been through worse without being half this tired, so she figured it was the circumstances which zapped all her energy. Stay on the planet and get killed by Jaffa, or go home and be Court Marshaled; some choice.

Said pissed off Superior Officer took her arm and hooked it around his shoulders, taking half her weight for the final stretch. Sam let a humble "_Thank you, Sir"_ pass her lips and Jack's body softened. Daniel dialed without prompt and the tireless blue vortex lashed out, inviting them blissfully home. Teal'c nodded for them to proceed, having received confirmation from his GDO. All four members of SG-1 stepped through the event horizon together. On the other side the alarm was blaring. Sam heard General Hammond order Sergeant Harriman to close the Iris.

"Stand down," Hammond ordered the airmen, then spoke into the comm. "Medical team to the Gate room."

Sam didn't understand that the gurney and accompanying nurses were wheeling in for her. "Ma'am, if you could just have a seat?" one of them invited.

Sam shook her head and humored them with a light smile. "Oh, that's alright, I can walk."

"Major…" O'Neill warned.

"Sir, my legs are perfectly fine."

Jack raised a finger in a humorless manner. Then he stepped up to her and stared her down. She was a tall woman, but he was taller, bigger, and naturally intimidating. She had seen that look many times, and it was always amusing until she was the one being subjected. She felt like being the rebel, but her Colonel was making it clear that one more strike, she's out. Jack's stomach did a victorious flip when Carter acquiesced. He watched her awkwardly slide onto the gurney, every bit as thankful that she hadn't given him more reason to press charges as he was that she had submitted to him instead of cause a stir in front of all these people.

As they wheeled Sam out, General Hammond walked in. "There a problem, Colonel?"

"No problem, Sir, just a little _event_."

"Sam went after the device," Daniel provided, before Jack could get his piece in without first providing perspective..

"She disobeyed my direct order, Sir."

"General, that device was everything we thought it would be, Sam was only doing what she thought would benefit us."

"Daniel," Jack yelled. "Carter is an Air Force officer, things don't work like that around here. If we all did whatever we wanted there would be no point for a chain of command."

Daniel tapped his fingers together and responded, "You're right…I…suppose. But Sam's not just _any_ officer." Jack shot him a withering stare, acutely aware of his double meaning. Daniel held hisgaze and shrugged.

"Did you discipline her?" Hammond inquired, either clueless of the double entente or pretending to be.

"There was no time for it, but I intend to give her a thorough dressing down once Fraiser's done with her."

The General nodded, satisfied to follow Jack's discretion concerning the punishments issued to the members of SG-1. If she was prosecuted by a higher authority chances were she would be dishonorably discharged or worse. He didn't want to lose her over something like this anymore than the rest of them, and he had no doubt her ego would be sore for a good long while after O'Neill was done with her. "We'll debrief tomorrow morning. Until then, get some rest."

* * *

Janet had just given Sam permission to leave when the infirmary phone rang. Without waiting to learn who was calling (she already had a fair idea), she escaped into the hallway. The elevator doors were already closing when the doctor called her.

Once in her lab Sam braced against a table, taking a moment to breathe. She had never before disobeyed an order quite so irrationally. Although Colonel O'Neill had reeled in his emotions to avoid a repeat of prior times she'd pissed him off, she could tell that this was going to be the biggest bang yet. Now that she had some perspective on the incident, she agreed that she deserved whatever decision he made regarding her military future.

Sam rested her head against her hands, squeezing her eyes against the unavoidable certainty. It was so painful to imagine her life without SG-1.

"So stupid…" she whispered. She straightened out and had a good long look at all her amazing equipment; at the newest acquisition sitting on her desk, at the humming Naquada generator, at her electron microscope. She doubted she'd be in much trouble if she had successfully acquired the device, but this time she was sunk to the bottom of a lake with a ball and chain around her ankle.

The door slammed shut and she started and spun around. Colonel O'Neill was standing, showered and fierce before her.

"I didn't hear you come in, Sir."

Jack didn't reply, and Sam found space to marveled at his ability to scare the crap out of her wearing nothing but blue fatigues.

"Atten-TION!"

Years of ingrained military tradition and discipline played their flawless part and Sam's body went rigid, her head lifted and her arms stiffened like wood planks by her sides. And like in her basic training days, when the Drill Sergeant would pace before his contingent of terrified new recruits, Colonel O'Neill paced a circle around his Major. She could hardly bear his scorn any longer when finally he spoke.

"I want to know what the hell you thought you were doing!"

Indeed this did seem like a repeat of those early days when an officer would be chewed and spit out for nothing at all, only exponentially worse now because her mistake could have meant real lives. Sam knew she wasn't to speak until the Colonel gave her express permission. This wasn't a Q&A session, he was going to strip her down to nothing. The Za'tarc ordeal of a few weeks ago was an ancient memory now, overlapped by his fury. Sam wondered if the Colonel felt any care at all for her during these moments when he could only be her Superior Officer. She had to prepare herself to hear the man she couldn't openly love day hurtful things. Consider it an occupational hazard.

"I gave you a direct order, and a damn clear one! Are you trying to lose my respect, Major!"

_He didn't meant that._ Keep your eyes straight ahead. Eyes straight ahead.

"In my little word you just committed a massive screw up, because in _my_ world officers are supposed to _follow_ the orders they're given!"

Sam ground her teeth together, to keep herself from reminding him of all the times _he_ had disobeyed orders, how many times they as a team had disobeyed orders. Keep breathing.

"I don't know whether to kick you out on your ass or throw you into a holding cell. You've turned this into one hell of a shitty day for me, Major! You could have gotten us all killed!"

_I know…_

"We had to come get your sorry ass!"

_I know!_

"I don't know what's worse, Carter! Your annoying techno-babble or your lack of intelligence in the field! I suppose your inappropriate feelings for me have finally gotten the best of you." Sam snapped her eyes up to him, betrayed that he would bring that up now. "Oh I'm sorry," Jack mocked. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" She looked away. Eyes straight ahead. "I haven't even begun, Carter. I'll lower you so fast you'll walk out of here a first year cadet! God knows how you managed to weasel a spot in Earth's best line of defense if you can't even follow the proper chain of command! All daddy's doing I suppose!"

Sam fumed and broke all at once. He had no idea how many officers and government workers had claimed exactly the same; that Jacob Carter had used his rank and influence to garner the best position for his darling daughter. That she had earned anything was an urban legend as far as they were concerned.

"I can tell you don't like what I said. Well when we're through here you won't like me very much either! You are not getting off easy this time, Carter! And my mistake for trusting you."

Sam wanted to cry. That was the worst punishment of them all. Get this over with, Court Marshal me and let this be over, she prayed. Jack distanced himself from her and he suddenly was very subdued.

"I expect this kind of thing from Daniel, not from you."

Before she could stop herself, Sam blurted, "I thought you treated everyone equal, _Colonel_."

"Excuse me?"

Sam persisted with more nerve than she felt. "Is it because I'm a woman? Because you think I'm weaker?"

"You are a United States military officer, bound by the same rules as the rest of us!"

"Do you think I'm less capable!" Sam wasn't even hearing O'Neill anymore. To Hell with it, she was headed to a jail cell anyways. "What is it, Sir? I don't understand!"

Jack accompanied every following word with a sharp point to the floor. "You do _not_ have to understand. You only have to obey. The one thing I _do not _tolerate is disobedience. This I have made clear to you before! And if you can't handle that then get the _Hell _off my team!"

Sam snapped her boots together, shot him a mocking salute, and shouted, "Sir, yes Sir! While I'm at it I'll try not to think either, Sir!"

"Once more, Carter! Once fucking more!" Jack took one rattled breathe and continued with greatest darkness. "When I give you an order I fucking expect you to follow it. Is that understood, Major?"

Just keep breathing. Don't stop breathing.

"Is. That. Under. Stood?"

Sam's lip twisted like she had just sucked gasoline from a blocked fuel pump. "Perfectly. _Sir_."

"This is going as a formal reprimand in your file, Carter. And I hope for your sake you smarten up and learn who's in charge."

Sam's ears were ringing so loudly that she didn't hear Jack leave. She was shaking and cold and her throat constricted with sobs begging for release. If she broke down here she would never be able to move. She grabbed her jacket, didn't even consider changing into civilian clothes, and staggered to the elevator. By the time she palmed the level 1 button she was already losing control. She compromised and let her anguished cries fill the compartment to delay her tears.

As she left she ripped the SGC badge from her shoulder and flung it to the ground. She managed to compose herself while she crossed the airman stationed at the exit. He didn't look twice. Her vintage Volvo loyally awaited her with beads of rain fresh on its hood. It started without a hitch and some of Sam's distress melted into gratitude.

"Take me home," she pleaded, as if her car could drive itself.

The entire trip was a blur, laced with the angry rattle of rain pummeling the roof and the mesmerizing seesaw of the wipers. Sam was quickly losing energy and fighting to stay awake. A single rivulet of rain ran down the side of the windshield. A single tear stained her pants.

That bastard. He had made it personal. It was supposed to stay in that room. As much as she has betrayed his trust, he had done the same to her.

Sam barely took two steps into her house when her legs, weak with misery, folded under her. She crumpled, too destroyed to make the couch, and cried. Hard.

* * *

Jack O'Neill tapped his steering wheel and looked bitterly at the little suburban house.

_You're a real _ass_, O'Neill. _

Every bit as he always was. Only this time the consequences were vaster than he had been able to anticipate in his moment of abandon. And he had hurt Carter beyond acceptable, he knew. It had taken him more thinking than he usually liked to determine that his anger was ignited my his feelings for her. Whenever she did something foolish, his fear for her life transmuted into negative energy.

Could he cross that line now? Because that was the only way to make this better. He would have to explain himself, and nothing but the very truth would satisfy her. She would sense any deception and create a rift so huge Jack would never be able to get back across. _I've already crossed the line. We agreed to keep that information away from our careers. _

And the Stupid award goes to…

"Yes, it's an honor," Jack ranted. "I'd like to thank the Air Force; where would we be without our almighty regulations. I know where I'd be." He turned his gaze back to her house.

As soon as Jack had left Sam's lab he was guilt ridden. Which at first confused him since he never felt that way when an officer deserved punishment, until he figured that he had given unfairness new depth.

"Unfair wouldn't quite describe it…hugely dick headed would be the best phrase." Jack let his head fall against the wheel. "Oyh…"

Once Jack had gotten his head around _the_ fact which he had spent four years denying, and countless nights reinventing, the decision seemed pretty simple. He could live without the Air Force, but not without Carter. Jack grabbed the bag on the passenger seat and thrust himself out into the rain.

One. Two. Three. He knocked.

He heard gentle feet padding and the door squeaked open.

"Sir," Sam exclaimed. She cursed herself for not checking through the peep hole first. She had no more of her earlier defiance, or she would have slammed it in his face. "Now's not a good time," she declared. Her eyes were puffy and red, and she was congested. No mystery to what she'd been doing the last few hours.

"Carter…"

"Why are you here?"

"I…well…I wanted to talk…with you."

"Is that an order, _Sir_?"

Jack cringed. What had he expected; smiles and a warm pie on the sill?

"Carter I…we need to talk. It's a request," he rushed. "But I have some stuff I wanna tell you."

"Go ahead."

Jack sighed, utterly frustrated with himself for allowing this to escalate between them until it became a problem. "Please. I can't do it like this."

The rain continued to water the land. A modest waterfall poured from the corner gutter of the house. And as Sam watched her soaked CO she decided not to sink to his level. She stepped aside and walked away. Relieved and a little stunned, Jack followed her into the hallway and shut the door. She invited him no further into her home.

Jack absorbed her appearance; her hair was still damp from a shower. Her feet were bare and her toes slightly curled in apprehension. Even in her sweats and tank she looked gorgeous. The fresh dressing on her arm reminded him of his visit.

Jack cleared his throat and rubbed his hands together.. "Out with it I suppose..." He paused and Sam looked vexed with him.

"If you've come to apologize, I appreciate it." Her tone confirmed otherwise. "So if that's all I'd like to get back to doing nothing for the rest of the evening."

"Just…give me a second." He fiddled with the hem of his coat. Here goes. He stepped forward and tried to look into her woul. "Truth is, I was so damned hard on you because… 'cause I care about you…a lot. And by that I mean…really care. L-love, even…"

Sam gaped. Had she heard right? Jack took another tentative step. "You're the cause of everything…everything that has meaning in my life. And I don't know what I would do if I lost you, Sam."

"Sir…"

"I can't tell you how much I regret some of the stuff I said." Sam nodded fervently and new tears sprung to her eyes. "When you disobeyed me I was just so _angry_. And not because of the military. Because I can't…" _Lose you…_

Sam wanted to go to him, be with him, seek his comfort. But she couldn't decide if it was right or not. Thankfully she didn't have to, because Jack's strong arms were suddenly around her. He dropped his bag and pulled her against him, one hand on the back of her head, one hand against her back. And Sam did the only thing that felt right. She hugged him back.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

"I know," she wept.

"Don't ever do that again," Jack begged.

"I'm sorry, Sir."

"I know."

An eternity later (which was way too short) Jack pulled away and cupped Sam's delicate face. He dipped down and kissed her chastely, seeking permission. Indeed her first instinct was to blurt nonsense about regs. Do you have any idea how much trouble we'd be in if we got caught?

Jack smiled and spoke with renewed lightness. "No one else has to know."

Well if her CO wasn't worried, then all aboard the rule-breaking train! Sam twined her fingers through his hair and pulled him down for a passionate encounter, tongue included. Jack let her take the lead for a while to ensure her that she could have control if she needed. But eventually his want for dominance won out. She gave into him so sweetly he moaned.

"Sam…you're…beautiful." Oh how this was reminiscent of a certain locker room scene so long ago.

Somewhere along their explorations of one another's mouths they parted, and Sam let herself be held. Through his damp clothing she felt Jack's heart hammering against his chest. His arousal pressed against her thigh and she welcomed it as naturally as breathing. This was his way of fixing things, and she didn't mind accepting it because that was the O'Neill way; to ask any different would go against his nature, and then Sam would lose what made her love him.

"What's in the bag," she asked eventually.

"Oh just some peace making supplies. Beer, cake, blue jell-o."

"From the commissary?"

"You betcha."

Jack looked upon Sam kindly, yet still with that never ending power he held over her. That would never change; so long as they were in the Air Force he would always outrank her, and in Sam's world that meant in private as well. She had no qualms with that, in fact she preferred his control, because despite today he had earned her full trust. She wondered what made her forget that on PW4-9C6.

"Sir. I apologize for disobeying your orders. It was stupid and reckless and…God just stupid."

Jack lip's twisted with the ghost of a smile. "Yes. Well we can't all be omniscient. Besides, I prefer my command with a little spunk."

"Just not when someone disobeys your orders," Sam chided.

"Oh Carter, we both know how my record must look. I haven't actually _looked_, but I'm pretty sure…you know."

"Yes, Sir."

"The reprimand still stands," he continued regretfully. "There's no way around it, Carter."

"I understand, Sir." She truly did. In fact, she was sure Jack had issued the lightest possible punishment, and that he had used loopholes to do it.

"So." Jack lifted the bag. "Beer?"

Sam rewarded him with a bright smile, and in the aftermath of her tears it made her glow. She took Jack's hand and led him into her kitchen. All was well in the world.

* * *

A/N: I hope that wasn't sappy or anything. I also hope I kept that necessary distance between them, even during the intimacy, because this isn't one of those S/J couple stories. SO, please **review**, everyone has been nice so far, and if you have ideas let me hear them.


End file.
